Tough Week

I have been dragging my feet this week. I was in Vegas last weekend and I can’t even say I’m tired from Vegas. I don’t have a good excuse for why I’m dragging this week.

On a good note, I have been working on a post the last week. I’m just editing it now. My writing has been rough so I want to make sure I edit this one well.

I hope you all are doing well!

Sacramento, Ca

As some of you may know, I dream of traveling. I’m still trying to make that happen financially but I know I’ll figure it out soon. In the meantime, I just visit my most frequent past travel destinations. One of them happens to be Sacramento, Ca. I love the atmosphere there. I love the food. I love the nightlife. I love it all! One day I hope to live there; especially when we decide to expand our family. Here are a few photos of my trip there a few weeks ago. Enjoy!

My daughter is BLACK

My daughter is Asian and black. You might only see black. You might be turned away from the color of her skin or the texture of her hair – she’s black. You might be so driven from your unexplainable hatred for who she is, black. You might want to discriminate against her because of who she is, black. You might feel the urge to beat her, shoot her, slice her throat on the BART station in Oakland because of who she is, black. But just like your daughter, niece, granddaughter, mother, sister, she’s human. Just those women in your life, she’s loved. Just like those women, she has a future to look forward to.

Pay no mind to her, I don’t even care if you completely ignore her, just please don’t hurt my daughter because she’s, black. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter is just walking to school, if she’s in your way kindly ask her to move. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter, she’s just trying to learn in the same classroom as your white daughter. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter, is only trying to sell some lemonade this summer to buy some new toys. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter is no lesser than you. My daughter who is black is stronger and better than a person with your level of hate.

My daughter, who is black, will love people of all colors. My daughter will only judge a person on their merits, character, morals, and virtue. My daughter will not be ashamed of her beautiful brown skin and curly hair. My daughter will be resilient in the face of adversity. My daughter will be a voice for those who are too scared to stand up for themselves. My daughter is black and I will go to the ends of the earth to let every color hating, race discriminating, man or woman know that my daughter deserves to live and exist in this world no matter how much they cannot stand the color of her skin or the texture of her hair.

Can I get a College Redo?

Can we get really real? Can I just be very vulnerable with you all? Okay, let’s.

Some just a couple of months we will see a lot of videos and photos of students walking across that stage to accept their diplomas and degrees. Many students are already posting their grad pictures and I love looking and reading every post.

I’m laying here just so proud of these people – random people. Then I couldn’t help to think about my own college journey. I attended two colleges. I was an English major. Originally I planned to get my degree and teaching credentials to become a high school English teacher. Then through the fear of job security I decided to figure out something else to put my degree to use for. What was my plan B? I didn’t have one. All I knew was I needed to make a lot of money because I was going to be in huge debt.

I bounced ideas. I started to panic. I tried to convince myself into thinking I was going to be okay. I tried to convince myself that my choice to not continue with my dream to become a teacher was good. If I could do college over again, I would. I actually enjoyed college. I just wish I knew what I wanted out of it. I wish, at the time, that I focused more on my education and interests than any mediocre drama I “thought” was important. I wasn’t taking my education seriously enough. I was determined enough. My future wasn’t important enough. I took it all for granted. I mean there I was in college with so many doors and opportunities available to me and I took it for granted.

Fast forward three years later post graduation and I’m working in a career not in my field; just trying to make the best of it. I’m just trying to succeed with what I settles for. It would be easy for me to say “college is a waste”, “higher education is corrupt”, “college education means nothing”. I started to think all of that. Because, like I said, I’m not working in my desired field. But in reality, I believe education is the key. We just have to be wiser as to how we choose to be educated and how we choose to apply the knowledge. It all starts with a desire to learn and the determination to become a success. I’m definitely not a success story of graduating college and working your dream job. But I do believe that I’m a great advocate for the younger generation to be more cognitive of themselves: their interests, dreams, ambitions. Because you can only feed your mind if you know what you need. You will reach success if you aim for it.

College isn’t easy and it isn’t for everybody. But I’m all for it. Even if I’m $60,000+ in debt. I hope, through my past mistakes, to guide my children onto the right path and help to set them up for success.

P.S. Yes, I do feel stupid for getting myself that much in debt with no strategy of paying it off in a reasonable amount of time. Yes, I really wish I could do college all over again because I would definitely proceeded towards my goal to become a teacher. At least I would have been doing something I loved and had a passion for.

Food for my thought

Don’t you just admire people who aren’t afraid to be their authentic selves. I enjoy being in the presence of a person who becomes “alive” in their element. I secretly envy people who are doing things I can’t seem to sum up the courage to do.

There are people living out my dreams, all because I’m too afraid or too shy to attempt. I have interests that not even my close family and friends know about. But I’ve been so used to putting myself inside a box for so many years that I’m afraid to share other parts of myself. I’m scared they might think I’m trying to be someone else or like someone else. When in reality I’m not. We all have layers to our personalities. No, I’m not just a shy woman who only follow rules. No, I don’t just enjoy visiting museums or bookstores. No, I don’t just like the outdoors and hiking. There’s so many layers to my personality that sometimes I even surprise myself.

Since turning 26 I have been scratching my head as to why am I like this? Why have I stopped myself from living out my dreams? Why have I allowed myself to become the spectator and not the participant? I want to do things like dance, travel, design, teach; I want to do things that speak to my creative mind. Yet, I’m here. I’m here typing this post. Once again, only dreaming of dancing a superbly awesome choreographed piece to one of my favorite songs. Once again, I am just sitting here only THINKING about recording my workouts in hopes to motivate someone to get fit. And again, I’m just sitting here THINKING about it….

Now that I’m a mother, I don’t want my children to ever be afraid to be their authentic selves. We all have so many layers to us. We don’t have to be boxed in our interests based on stereotypes. I want my children to go after their dreams. I want them to not be afraid to try even if that means falling on their face several hundred times. I want them to have lived their lives feeling like they’ve done everything they’ve ever wanted to do or see or eat. I want that for them.

I feel like it may be too late for me but I’m choosing to learn from my “what if’s”. I am choosing to encourage the youth. Because honestly, being an adult regretting the things you didn’t do because of fear of whatever it may be, isn’t fun. I’ve never felt more lame for NOT doing something than the feeling of embarrassment from actually doing it and failing and having to get back up.

So here’s a few things I enjoy that I never shared…

I want to dance. Like actually dance a choreographed piece. I want to record it and post it for the world to see.

I want to record fitness videos.

I want to share my blog so more people can read.

I want to write and publish my own book.

I’m sure there’s more but I’m just so excited about this post that I can’t think of them.