Can I get a College Redo?

Can we get really real? Can I just be very vulnerable with you all? Okay, let’s.

Some just a couple of months we will see a lot of videos and photos of students walking across that stage to accept their diplomas and degrees. Many students are already posting their grad pictures and I love looking and reading every post.

I’m laying here just so proud of these people – random people. Then I couldn’t help to think about my own college journey. I attended two colleges. I was an English major. Originally I planned to get my degree and teaching credentials to become a high school English teacher. Then through the fear of job security I decided to figure out something else to put my degree to use for. What was my plan B? I didn’t have one. All I knew was I needed to make a lot of money because I was going to be in huge debt.

I bounced ideas. I started to panic. I tried to convince myself into thinking I was going to be okay. I tried to convince myself that my choice to not continue with my dream to become a teacher was good. If I could do college over again, I would. I actually enjoyed college. I just wish I knew what I wanted out of it. I wish, at the time, that I focused more on my education and interests than any mediocre drama I “thought” was important. I wasn’t taking my education seriously enough. I was determined enough. My future wasn’t important enough. I took it all for granted. I mean there I was in college with so many doors and opportunities available to me and I took it for granted.

Fast forward three years later post graduation and I’m working in a career not in my field; just trying to make the best of it. I’m just trying to succeed with what I settles for. It would be easy for me to say “college is a waste”, “higher education is corrupt”, “college education means nothing”. I started to think all of that. Because, like I said, I’m not working in my desired field. But in reality, I believe education is the key. We just have to be wiser as to how we choose to be educated and how we choose to apply the knowledge. It all starts with a desire to learn and the determination to become a success. I’m definitely not a success story of graduating college and working your dream job. But I do believe that I’m a great advocate for the younger generation to be more cognitive of themselves: their interests, dreams, ambitions. Because you can only feed your mind if you know what you need. You will reach success if you aim for it.

College isn’t easy and it isn’t for everybody. But I’m all for it. Even if I’m $60,000+ in debt. I hope, through my past mistakes, to guide my children onto the right path and help to set them up for success.

P.S. Yes, I do feel stupid for getting myself that much in debt with no strategy of paying it off in a reasonable amount of time. Yes, I really wish I could do college all over again because I would definitely proceeded towards my goal to become a teacher. At least I would have been doing something I loved and had a passion for.

Food for my thought

Don’t you just admire people who aren’t afraid to be their authentic selves. I enjoy being in the presence of a person who becomes “alive” in their element. I secretly envy people who are doing things I can’t seem to sum up the courage to do.

There are people living out my dreams, all because I’m too afraid or too shy to attempt. I have interests that not even my close family and friends know about. But I’ve been so used to putting myself inside a box for so many years that I’m afraid to share other parts of myself. I’m scared they might think I’m trying to be someone else or like someone else. When in reality I’m not. We all have layers to our personalities. No, I’m not just a shy woman who only follow rules. No, I don’t just enjoy visiting museums or bookstores. No, I don’t just like the outdoors and hiking. There’s so many layers to my personality that sometimes I even surprise myself.

Since turning 26 I have been scratching my head as to why am I like this? Why have I stopped myself from living out my dreams? Why have I allowed myself to become the spectator and not the participant? I want to do things like dance, travel, design, teach; I want to do things that speak to my creative mind. Yet, I’m here. I’m here typing this post. Once again, only dreaming of dancing a superbly awesome choreographed piece to one of my favorite songs. Once again, I am just sitting here only THINKING about recording my workouts in hopes to motivate someone to get fit. And again, I’m just sitting here THINKING about it….

Now that I’m a mother, I don’t want my children to ever be afraid to be their authentic selves. We all have so many layers to us. We don’t have to be boxed in our interests based on stereotypes. I want my children to go after their dreams. I want them to not be afraid to try even if that means falling on their face several hundred times. I want them to have lived their lives feeling like they’ve done everything they’ve ever wanted to do or see or eat. I want that for them.

I feel like it may be too late for me but I’m choosing to learn from my “what if’s”. I am choosing to encourage the youth. Because honestly, being an adult regretting the things you didn’t do because of fear of whatever it may be, isn’t fun. I’ve never felt more lame for NOT doing something than the feeling of embarrassment from actually doing it and failing and having to get back up.

So here’s a few things I enjoy that I never shared…

I want to dance. Like actually dance a choreographed piece. I want to record it and post it for the world to see.

I want to record fitness videos.

I want to share my blog so more people can read.

I want to write and publish my own book.

I’m sure there’s more but I’m just so excited about this post that I can’t think of them.

Can do, Cantu curls

My daughter has beautiful naturally curly hair. I also have natural curly hair but have struggled with the finding the perfect products to compliment my curls. I love styling her hair. In these particular photos I used Cantu’s Leave-in Conditioning Repair Cream and Cantu’s Kids Care Curl Cream. As I was styling, I used a wide tooth comb to spread the product throughout her hair and let it air dry. The Cantu products don’t make he hair hard or sticky. He her was defined and moisturized all day long! My favorite for her hair is definitely the kids care curl cream.

Date Night Blues

My biggest weakness are bags. It doesn’t matter how many I have, I’m always tempted to buy a new one. I saw this beauty at Target. The brand is A Brand New Day. I tried to find the link to it on their website but couldn’t find it. It must be sold out and I can understand why. I love the color, I love the design. It’s going to be perfect for this spring and summer, especially to take on any trips as a small carry all.

Last night my fiancé and I had a date night. I wanted to take him to a sushi restaurant in Elk Grove, Ca. He has never tried this place so I thought, “why not?” It was so delicious. I cannot wait to go back. Plus it was such a chic place for dates!

PMS… is real

*TMI following…

I’m laying in bed right now, irritated. My period only escalated my irritation.

Since giving birth I started noticing a change in my period. Before being pregnant, my period was tolerable. I didn’t have bad cramps, I wasn’t overly emotional , it was just an quick and simple cycle. Post birth, I started to feel bad cramps and I’d get overly emotional. Usually I’m very good at controlling my emotions. I don’t allow any emotion to escalate. The past few months it seemed like my pms would take a simple emotion and heighten times 10.

I hate it. Even me typing this post and thinking about it makes me mad. My hormones are crazy. If you can’t already tell, I’m on my period. You’re welcome.

Easter Weekend

Hello bloggers and readers!

I have been m.i.a. lately. I haven’t been doing anything all too exciting. Easter weekend was very eventful though. We went to local zoo all afternoon on Saturday. Then Sunday we attended Easter church service and spent time between our families. I want to take more pictures and do more videos so hopefully I’ll have some nice content for you all soon!

Meal break

I apologize for not posting my lunch meals from the past few days. I have been busy traveling a little bit for work. I did want to share with you all with what I’ve been up to. Emi and I had some free time to window shop. I found this book at Michael’s and I had to buy it. We’ve read it the past two nights. I also felt it heavy on my heart to type a little prayer over my life. I know I’ve shared my prayers with you all before, so I added a photo of it here. I hope you all have a blessed day and night.