My daughter is BLACK

My daughter is Asian and black. You might only see black. You might be turned away from the color of her skin or the texture of her hair – she’s black. You might be so driven from your unexplainable hatred for who she is, black. You might want to discriminate against her because of who she is, black. You might feel the urge to beat her, shoot her, slice her throat on the BART station in Oakland because of who she is, black. But just like your daughter, niece, granddaughter, mother, sister, she’s human. Just those women in your life, she’s loved. Just like those women, she has a future to look forward to.

Pay no mind to her, I don’t even care if you completely ignore her, just please don’t hurt my daughter because she’s, black. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter is just walking to school, if she’s in your way kindly ask her to move. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter, she’s just trying to learn in the same classroom as your white daughter. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter, is only trying to sell some lemonade this summer to buy some new toys. My daughter, she’s black. My daughter is no lesser than you. My daughter who is black is stronger and better than a person with your level of hate.

My daughter, who is black, will love people of all colors. My daughter will only judge a person on their merits, character, morals, and virtue. My daughter will not be ashamed of her beautiful brown skin and curly hair. My daughter will be resilient in the face of adversity. My daughter will be a voice for those who are too scared to stand up for themselves. My daughter is black and I will go to the ends of the earth to let every color hating, race discriminating, man or woman know that my daughter deserves to live and exist in this world no matter how much they cannot stand the color of her skin or the texture of her hair.

Food for my thought

Don’t you just admire people who aren’t afraid to be their authentic selves. I enjoy being in the presence of a person who becomes “alive” in their element. I secretly envy people who are doing things I can’t seem to sum up the courage to do.

There are people living out my dreams, all because I’m too afraid or too shy to attempt. I have interests that not even my close family and friends know about. But I’ve been so used to putting myself inside a box for so many years that I’m afraid to share other parts of myself. I’m scared they might think I’m trying to be someone else or like someone else. When in reality I’m not. We all have layers to our personalities. No, I’m not just a shy woman who only follow rules. No, I don’t just enjoy visiting museums or bookstores. No, I don’t just like the outdoors and hiking. There’s so many layers to my personality that sometimes I even surprise myself.

Since turning 26 I have been scratching my head as to why am I like this? Why have I stopped myself from living out my dreams? Why have I allowed myself to become the spectator and not the participant? I want to do things like dance, travel, design, teach; I want to do things that speak to my creative mind. Yet, I’m here. I’m here typing this post. Once again, only dreaming of dancing a superbly awesome choreographed piece to one of my favorite songs. Once again, I am just sitting here only THINKING about recording my workouts in hopes to motivate someone to get fit. And again, I’m just sitting here THINKING about it….

Now that I’m a mother, I don’t want my children to ever be afraid to be their authentic selves. We all have so many layers to us. We don’t have to be boxed in our interests based on stereotypes. I want my children to go after their dreams. I want them to not be afraid to try even if that means falling on their face several hundred times. I want them to have lived their lives feeling like they’ve done everything they’ve ever wanted to do or see or eat. I want that for them.

I feel like it may be too late for me but I’m choosing to learn from my “what if’s”. I am choosing to encourage the youth. Because honestly, being an adult regretting the things you didn’t do because of fear of whatever it may be, isn’t fun. I’ve never felt more lame for NOT doing something than the feeling of embarrassment from actually doing it and failing and having to get back up.

So here’s a few things I enjoy that I never shared…

I want to dance. Like actually dance a choreographed piece. I want to record it and post it for the world to see.

I want to record fitness videos.

I want to share my blog so more people can read.

I want to write and publish my own book.

I’m sure there’s more but I’m just so excited about this post that I can’t think of them.

Easter Weekend

Hello bloggers and readers!

I have been m.i.a. lately. I haven’t been doing anything all too exciting. Easter weekend was very eventful though. We went to local zoo all afternoon on Saturday. Then Sunday we attended Easter church service and spent time between our families. I want to take more pictures and do more videos so hopefully I’ll have some nice content for you all soon!

Meal break

I apologize for not posting my lunch meals from the past few days. I have been busy traveling a little bit for work. I did want to share with you all with what I’ve been up to. Emi and I had some free time to window shop. I found this book at Michael’s and I had to buy it. We’ve read it the past two nights. I also felt it heavy on my heart to type a little prayer over my life. I know I’ve shared my prayers with you all before, so I added a photo of it here. I hope you all have a blessed day and night.

Family day

Today we finally got to get out of town as a family. We visited the Academy of Sciences in San Francisco. Emilia has been obsessed with the moving “Finding Dory” lately so we thought it would be fun for her to see “Dory” in real life. So we took her to visit the aquarium. As soon as we walked into the building she was in awe. Her excitement was awesome. I cannot wait until we can take her back!

Prayer Break

Father God,

I come to you this morning to give you praise. Thank you for showing your mercy towards me. Thank you for every blessing you have bestowed on me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for my ability to reach out to you whenever and where ever. Thank you for calling me back to you. Thank you for bringing people into my life you knew would help promote me. Thank you removing people you knew would only harm me and hold me back. Thank you for my job, car, home, mind, body, soul, and everything I may have taken for granted. Thank you for never being too far. Thank you for turning my problems into victories. Thank you for giving me the strength I never knew I had. Thank you for working in my relationship with Xavier.

In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Matthew 11:29-30

These past couple of years has been challenging. It’s been a constant roller coaster of ups and downs. Yet, whatever day I was having, towards the end of it I’m brought to my knees thanking God for everything He blessed me with. The beginning of 2018 started off very rocky. As a human being I couldn’t help but be completely brought down by it all. I was stressed beyond imagination. I continued to fight for faith. Honestly, even the faith the size of a pea, was something I was willing to hold on to. I can’t be mad at God. He has a plan for my life. As I mentioned before, I am human. So I become scared and weary. I just have to keep my faith. I can relate to people who question their faith, question why God allowing things to happen. You see, we cannot become upset over the events we have no control over. The more we fight and try to make sense of what God is doing we will never fully be under the grace of God.

I pray someone out there understands me here. My faith has been tested for the past two years since I have reconnected with our Father God. He has seen me through and through. He has put people in my path who want to help me. It doesn’t make all of my problems instantly disappear but it helps me to grow, learn, and become a vessel for God’s work. Writing about God in hopes that someone, one or two of my readers, may understand or feel like their faith is constantly tested as well – but refuse to give up because of our Father God helps me as well. It has been so crazy and stressful that at 26 years old, this year,  I found one strand of white hair! –laughs – The strand of hair isn’t even all white, just about a ¼ of it starting from the root. That didn’t stop me from freaking out though! I like to think that’s God trying to be funny. God works in miraculous ways. We never know how He will bless us. We never know how He will answer our prayers because He will do it in a way we were least expecting.

Writing and blogging was always the  best outlet for my emotions. I am an emotional person – though over the past few years being able to express it has been difficult. Anytime I write and make a post on my blog, I start to feel better emotionally, physically, and most recently spiritually. Sharing my reconnection with God all of you helps me tremendously. This morning I was listening to Joel Osteen via YouTube on my way to work. The specific sermon I was listening this morning was titled “Ease is Coming – Joel Osteen”. I picked that video because the word “ease” spoke to me. Many times all I ever want is peace and understanding of what God is doing in my life. Some days my problems seem so ginormous that I can’t seem to find any peace. “Ease” as a noun means “absence of difficulty or effort” as a verb “move carefully, gradually, or gently”. I told myself I was giving up trying to control every aspect of my life and I was giving it all to God. Giving everything to God isn’t easy at first. But once you start, even just a little bit, you can instantly feel his mercy and grace on your life. I was always able to find my way back to the peace of God even after panicking for the greater part of the day.

For anyone going through a tough season(s) remember that you are not alone. Find comfort in God, family, friends. God works in miraculous ways. Even when you don’t see a way, know that God sees all things we cannot. He has a plan for our lives. He will not abandon us, and He will not forsake us. May God lead you today as you go out there and conquer the good, the bad, and the ugly. All glory be to God.

*side note: my aunt-in-law texted me as I was creating this post and this was what she said, “Good morning how u feeling this morning I pray your spirits are better have a beautiful blessed day (heart emojis)” I inserted that text to say this, whether it’s a stranger or a love one, someone is praying for you. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and seek help or comfort from someone. If at first you don’t know who to turn to, turn to God. He will help bring the right people to you when the time is right. God is always on time.

“Ease is Coming – Joel Osteen”