Can I get a College Redo?

Can we get really real? Can I just be very vulnerable with you all? Okay, let’s.

Some just a couple of months we will see a lot of videos and photos of students walking across that stage to accept their diplomas and degrees. Many students are already posting their grad pictures and I love looking and reading every post.

I’m laying here just so proud of these people – random people. Then I couldn’t help to think about my own college journey. I attended two colleges. I was an English major. Originally I planned to get my degree and teaching credentials to become a high school English teacher. Then through the fear of job security I decided to figure out something else to put my degree to use for. What was my plan B? I didn’t have one. All I knew was I needed to make a lot of money because I was going to be in huge debt.

I bounced ideas. I started to panic. I tried to convince myself into thinking I was going to be okay. I tried to convince myself that my choice to not continue with my dream to become a teacher was good. If I could do college over again, I would. I actually enjoyed college. I just wish I knew what I wanted out of it. I wish, at the time, that I focused more on my education and interests than any mediocre drama I “thought” was important. I wasn’t taking my education seriously enough. I was determined enough. My future wasn’t important enough. I took it all for granted. I mean there I was in college with so many doors and opportunities available to me and I took it for granted.

Fast forward three years later post graduation and I’m working in a career not in my field; just trying to make the best of it. I’m just trying to succeed with what I settles for. It would be easy for me to say “college is a waste”, “higher education is corrupt”, “college education means nothing”. I started to think all of that. Because, like I said, I’m not working in my desired field. But in reality, I believe education is the key. We just have to be wiser as to how we choose to be educated and how we choose to apply the knowledge. It all starts with a desire to learn and the determination to become a success. I’m definitely not a success story of graduating college and working your dream job. But I do believe that I’m a great advocate for the younger generation to be more cognitive of themselves: their interests, dreams, ambitions. Because you can only feed your mind if you know what you need. You will reach success if you aim for it.

College isn’t easy and it isn’t for everybody. But I’m all for it. Even if I’m $60,000+ in debt. I hope, through my past mistakes, to guide my children onto the right path and help to set them up for success.

P.S. Yes, I do feel stupid for getting myself that much in debt with no strategy of paying it off in a reasonable amount of time. Yes, I really wish I could do college all over again because I would definitely proceeded towards my goal to become a teacher. At least I would have been doing something I loved and had a passion for.

Life is tough man

I have to fight hard to be able to look on the brighter side. There are many times in the past when I would just be paralyzed from a bad day. I wouldn’t be up to do anything for a few days. I would cry often and only saw the bad in every day. Years have passed and I am 25 now although I still have my moments my bounce back time is much quicker. Often times what kept me from optimism was fear. The fear of disastrous happening. ‘What if that?’ ‘What if this?’ ‘But that could go wrong.’ I was always expecting the worse. I let the fear of the future dictate everything about me.

After a few years I found myself turning to faith. I remember there was a point when I didn’t feel like I deserved to pray to God because I went so many years without doing so. I went years without praying for guidance or even giving thanks for what I had. I’m sure I’ve talked about this before but I find myself back here when I life gets tough again. My emotions get bottled up and I don’t know what to do. I want to cry but it’s difficult to cry. This is how I vent. This is part of my stress reliever.

“When life gets tough, the tough get going” It took me years to understand that saying, even longer to apply it to my own life. It’s always easier said than done because at the moment when you are dealing with problems it’s difficult to think straight. At that moment you are going off of emotion which 99% of the time is not a good idea. I am still working on thinking first and acting second.