Can I get a College Redo?

Can we get really real? Can I just be very vulnerable with you all? Okay, let’s.

Some just a couple of months we will see a lot of videos and photos of students walking across that stage to accept their diplomas and degrees. Many students are already posting their grad pictures and I love looking and reading every post.

I’m laying here just so proud of these people – random people. Then I couldn’t help to think about my own college journey. I attended two colleges. I was an English major. Originally I planned to get my degree and teaching credentials to become a high school English teacher. Then through the fear of job security I decided to figure out something else to put my degree to use for. What was my plan B? I didn’t have one. All I knew was I needed to make a lot of money because I was going to be in huge debt.

I bounced ideas. I started to panic. I tried to convince myself into thinking I was going to be okay. I tried to convince myself that my choice to not continue with my dream to become a teacher was good. If I could do college over again, I would. I actually enjoyed college. I just wish I knew what I wanted out of it. I wish, at the time, that I focused more on my education and interests than any mediocre drama I “thought” was important. I wasn’t taking my education seriously enough. I was determined enough. My future wasn’t important enough. I took it all for granted. I mean there I was in college with so many doors and opportunities available to me and I took it for granted.

Fast forward three years later post graduation and I’m working in a career not in my field; just trying to make the best of it. I’m just trying to succeed with what I settles for. It would be easy for me to say “college is a waste”, “higher education is corrupt”, “college education means nothing”. I started to think all of that. Because, like I said, I’m not working in my desired field. But in reality, I believe education is the key. We just have to be wiser as to how we choose to be educated and how we choose to apply the knowledge. It all starts with a desire to learn and the determination to become a success. I’m definitely not a success story of graduating college and working your dream job. But I do believe that I’m a great advocate for the younger generation to be more cognitive of themselves: their interests, dreams, ambitions. Because you can only feed your mind if you know what you need. You will reach success if you aim for it.

College isn’t easy and it isn’t for everybody. But I’m all for it. Even if I’m $60,000+ in debt. I hope, through my past mistakes, to guide my children onto the right path and help to set them up for success.

P.S. Yes, I do feel stupid for getting myself that much in debt with no strategy of paying it off in a reasonable amount of time. Yes, I really wish I could do college all over again because I would definitely proceeded towards my goal to become a teacher. At least I would have been doing something I loved and had a passion for.

Mommy Rant

I am sitting here at my computer at work. I have felt this immense amount of emotion this morning. Actually at this very moment I am feeling the need to cry. Maybe it’s the fact that I feel overwhelmed? I k now I have been thinking about the future often. I love being a mother, it can get very exhausting sometimes, but I love it. With the 7 ½ months of being a mother I realized the most important thing to have is support, patience, and love. I couldn’t do this on my own. My family has played such a great role in helping to take care and raise Emilia.. Even with all of the help I still find myself overwhelmed sometimes. There are days when I feel like super mom followed by days when I feel like super crappy. No matter what, I always make sure I am mommy first. Working full time and being a mommy isn’t easy. I find myself exhausted by the end of most days. There was even a day when I had to ask for a day off just to sleep in the next day.

With becoming a mom I am starting to see the importance of taking care of yourself too. When I was single, no children, no attachments – I understood the importance of loving yourself. You know, single, no one to tell you that you’re beautiful every day. So of course, I worked on loving myself more and making sure I felt confident in myself in everything I did. Then I became a mom and I realize that I need to take care of myself. Between work, taking care of Emilia, and taking care of every other part of my adult life – I needed to find a balance. I needed to find outlets to let out my frustrations. I needed to get back to eating healthy and getting fit. It is essential for me to make sure that I am in tip-top shape. Why? Simply because I am a mom. I want to be in my best physical, mental, and spiritual condition because I want to make sure that Emilia gets the best of me.

I’m still new to motherhood. I’m learning as I go as well as getting advice from family and friends. At the end of the day I want to be the best mother I can for Emilia. Lately I have been going to the gym on the weekends. Last weekend I didn’t miss a day. It felt amazing. I noticed my overall mood was much happier. I wasn’t tired. I had the energy to do so much. At the moment I am trying to establish a good gym schedule for during the week. It feels good to write again. Though ‘writing’ has taken another meaning with the popularity of blogging, but nonetheless the concept is the same. The best way for me to express myself is through my writing and I haven’t been able to do much of it. So this right here, this post, feels amazing.